2, 4, 6, 8, whore do we appreciate: slut shaming & cheer culture

Me jumping at the coach's jump off during camp

I coach high school cheerleading. I never imagined it would turn out to be a mutual learning experience, but my baby ratchets keep me on my toes to say the VERY least with antics like reenacting fight scenes of the bad girls club in front of the entire cheer camp, earning the title of my little marijuana mavericks & not only planning, but fully committing, to going rouge to participate in a squad twerk. (not one of them decided any of the aforementioned were bad ideas....not one. lol) they are absurd, lively, & borderline ridiculous. they're expressive & frustrating. collectively, they help me better understand their perspectives & psyches. as a sociologist, being their coach has been one of the most fascinating experiences. i've created a space of community where they feel free enough to be their true selves & established bonds with each of them as individuals & care about each & every one of them wholeheartedly, all the while instilling the fundamentals of cheerleading & watching personal & group progress.

My baby ratchets at cheer camp.

we are not supposed to be "good;" many of them hail from destitute economic conditions; i think that's partially why they so easily identify with a minority coach & readily assimilate to "twerk" & other elements of black culture. (i'll never forget when chloie and hailey knew all the words to a YG song. I was thrown). I'm willing to attribute our success as a team to the fact that we are a team. cheerleading is a VERY privileged sport. if you haven't been cheering since you were a small child you likely won't be able to tumble & execute proper technique for stunts. when i first began coaching they barely could complete extensions. slowly but surely, they progressed. there's been tears, fights, lectures & everything in between, but they have blossomed into such amazing little cheerleaders surpassing the talent of schools in even the most privileged of areas.

rally day!

i remember being in high school & i remember the struggle to find a sense of self. i made poor decisions & better ones; from each unsavory behavior birthed a lesson. luckily, despite my young age, the circumstances surrounding the loss of my virginity were ideal (he & i remain on friendly terms even now) & i spent two and a half years of my high school time exploring my sexuality with the same boy. but, what's high school without a good heartbreak? eventually he & i parted ways & i had to rebuild my esteem without his reassurance. but girls don't like to be alone, as we are socialized to view a monogamous relationship as what is healthy, normal & desired. i then hopped skipped & jumped into a new relationship in search of my worth. big mistake. i ended up empty & broken, vulnerable to his exploitation, manipulation & abuse. i spent the remainder of my teen years in an on & off relationship with an emotionally unstable athlete for which i became the outlet for his aggression. i did not love & respect myself enough to put my needs first.

in retrospect, i never lost my sense of self; it was never developed. sense of self is crucial when navigating through high school & the world in general. today, two of my girls were suspended for taking a picture of a girl changing during PE & posting it online in order to prove that she stuffs her bra. while i've yet to talk to them about details, i'd be willing to bet money it involved a boyfriend.

me & the seniors

 we don't teach people how to communicate & express themselves & it ends up creating fundamental flaws in emotional & behavioral patterns. all of these "anti-bullying" campaigns & not one encourages critical thought & healthy communicative exchanges between kids. we wouldn't need these fucking campaigns if we taught communication & tolerance, and focused on strengthening self-esteem & worth. if girls especially were emotionally secure & confident in themselves the world would look so much differently. women grow up competing against one another. I was never truly happy & satisfied with who I was until I saw that life isn't one big fucking hunger games & that I didn't have to be this or that because being me was already "special" enough. self love eliminates jealousy, slut-shaming & the cultural degradation of women as a collective. focus should be on empowering each other not tearing one another down ESPECIALLY for male approval. like if you have to fight for someone's attention, is it truly worth having? what about that is fulfilling? why must you separate yourself from "those" types of girls? who cares if a girl stuffs? what makes you better? what makes a "slut" a slut anyway? how many partners a girl has? the actual sex act? specific sex behaviors? who are you to police these consensual choices, anyway?

I admire kim K. she took lemons & made some fucking champagne with it. while Ray J thought he was claiming victory she turned the tables & prospered much more than he financially. I fully respect her hustle despite not wanting to live my life in objectification. why is it so difficult for girls to admit another woman is pretty or accept that she was successful based on her appearance? just as intellect isn't distributed equally, beauty isn't either. we need to change this rhetoric that tells girls they have to be the prettiest, the thinnest, the sexiest or the most modest & create space for women to explore who THEY are & to be satisfied with just that.